You.

You go through the worst alone. People may tell you that they're there for you, but in the bitter, chiding face of reality, they aren't. You smile throughout the day and cry deeply into the night. You laugh with the smiling ones but your heart frowns. You may be in love, but then an empty feeling takes over. You feel happy, but then sadness overwhelms it. You are there for everyone around you, with no one lending you a shoulder to cry on. You're the person who jokes, smiles, laughs, pretends to be absolutely crazy and fun loving but deep down, you know that this isn't you. You're an absolute lie. A shocking deception. No one knows you. Except loneliness. You're pretty well acquainted with that.

But how long are you going to keep it in ? For how long is the pretence  going to last ? You have to break down. You have to let yourself loose. Cry. You have to let your walls down. Let them fall apart, even if they break you.Tell those people that you're just tired of being there for them. Admit to your fears that you're afraid of them. Interrogate your happiness,"Why do you have to enter my life to leave?" Become friends with rejection, you will be seeing it very often, might as well learn something about 'him'. Cry with your sadness, trust me, it's 'her' that needs all the soothing, all the comforting. Not you. Talk from the heart, don't constrict it; it deserves as much as freedom as the oppressed, the downtrodden.
How long can you remain the person you're not ? How  long can you always allow yourself to be walked on ? There comes a time when you're absolutely saturated, impassive and mentally exhausted. You want to escape, but then you're too strong to physically hurt yourself. You can't react to all of it anymore. You want to shut yourself down. Wipe out your emotions. Or.

You can pretend. Smile,joke,love,live,laugh and assert the people that she is who you are. The girl who never stopped smiling.