If only some people would realize what it is like to go through the worst alone. How hard it is to face your own turmoils head on and pretending that your life is all smiles and jokes. How hard it is to prove that you're a person of philosophies and pain, much more than the robust countenance you give away ?
And it stabs every inch of your heart to realize how deserted you are. You're there for a friend at two am to soothe them with all that you have left, only to be almost ignored by them the next day. You want to stop caring-it's not like they give a shit anyway, but a roaring guilt sweeps over your fragile, sinking, state.
It kills you to see them with everyone else but you; didn't you do all the things possible to make them stay ? You stood up for them. Wiped those tears. Fought for them. Forgave them. Helped them, in every way you could. You brushed off their dust, and made them realize that there's so much more to come. Made them understand that it's not the end.
But you still have to smile through all of it. Ignore it, because you aren't the person who expects a show of gratitude after an act of one. Thus, you live with the pain surging and tearing your emotions into embezzled fragments. You stumble through the conflicts in your heart.You let yourself fall into a never ending abyss of darkness.
And this darkness is the one which stays with you throughout the night when you can't sleep. It's there for you when no one else is; but the same darkness can convert you into an emotional wreck with stunning speed. You don't look forward to anything anymore. You're done with people. Writing it all out is all that saves you.
Your emotions conjure up words. It's as though they want to escape the deep chasm you've engulfed yourself in. They've finally found the strength to fight back, to resurface, to live, to emerge. But your spurious self is as headstrong as ever; a derogatory, daft tyrant. You dissuade your own emotions from breathing. You're a murderer before you can process what you're doing. You've killed your own feelings. They've been allayed in an appallingly horrific way. You've murdered them by silence.
A silence that doesn't just thaw, a silence that stabs. A silence that appears to be quiescent but attacks when you least expect it. It crushes your gallant Heart, which howls in internal pain. But you're too busy supporting this silence. You're exuding your strength towards the enemy. An enemy which doesn't take too long in stripping off to expose the lie living inside it, of-course.
But-it's too late to back out now. You're trapped around the same walls that you constructed around yourself. The darkness that once comforted you, now scares you to the extent of clawing your soul out. The same smile that told people you were okay, now deceives your own self. You realize that you're NOT okay. And then it hits you like a hurricane.
You're alone.
And it stabs every inch of your heart to realize how deserted you are. You're there for a friend at two am to soothe them with all that you have left, only to be almost ignored by them the next day. You want to stop caring-it's not like they give a shit anyway, but a roaring guilt sweeps over your fragile, sinking, state.
It kills you to see them with everyone else but you; didn't you do all the things possible to make them stay ? You stood up for them. Wiped those tears. Fought for them. Forgave them. Helped them, in every way you could. You brushed off their dust, and made them realize that there's so much more to come. Made them understand that it's not the end.
But you still have to smile through all of it. Ignore it, because you aren't the person who expects a show of gratitude after an act of one. Thus, you live with the pain surging and tearing your emotions into embezzled fragments. You stumble through the conflicts in your heart.You let yourself fall into a never ending abyss of darkness.
And this darkness is the one which stays with you throughout the night when you can't sleep. It's there for you when no one else is; but the same darkness can convert you into an emotional wreck with stunning speed. You don't look forward to anything anymore. You're done with people. Writing it all out is all that saves you.
Your emotions conjure up words. It's as though they want to escape the deep chasm you've engulfed yourself in. They've finally found the strength to fight back, to resurface, to live, to emerge. But your spurious self is as headstrong as ever; a derogatory, daft tyrant. You dissuade your own emotions from breathing. You're a murderer before you can process what you're doing. You've killed your own feelings. They've been allayed in an appallingly horrific way. You've murdered them by silence.
A silence that doesn't just thaw, a silence that stabs. A silence that appears to be quiescent but attacks when you least expect it. It crushes your gallant Heart, which howls in internal pain. But you're too busy supporting this silence. You're exuding your strength towards the enemy. An enemy which doesn't take too long in stripping off to expose the lie living inside it, of-course.
But-it's too late to back out now. You're trapped around the same walls that you constructed around yourself. The darkness that once comforted you, now scares you to the extent of clawing your soul out. The same smile that told people you were okay, now deceives your own self. You realize that you're NOT okay. And then it hits you like a hurricane.
You're alone.
Woah. This is amazing :)
ReplyDeleteThanks :)
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